How to hold space…
Over time, many of us tend to spent less and less time processing our emotions and experiences, despite experiencing things and feelings as we age. Being able to explain or express these feelings can be challenging at times but knowing you have a safe like environment in someone to be able speak on complex emotions, fear, and trauma can be a liberating. But what does it actually mean to hold space ?
For us, holding spaces is creating a safe like container for active listening, while witnessing and validating another individual’s emotional state. Allowing them to process the journey they are on to naturally unfold, while simultaneously showing up with tenderness, understanding and support.
It is kindly and selflessly lending both your ears and heart to hear and share someone else’s truth without the need to give insight, offer advice, “fix” the situation, impact the outcome, or receive anything in return. It’s one of the most beautiful gestures we can give the people we love and care about.
In today’s contemporary culture, many of us don’t know how to hold space for others. We react in order to empathise and try to fix other people’s problems or minimise their pain. But being able to hold space can be just as effective because to truly be heard, most people just need space — a space in which they can be vulnerable and honest about their feelings, and a space in which they can feel safe, loved, cared for and accepted fully just as they are.
It’s a beautiful skill to have, it’s a state of being, not of doing — even if we have the best of intentions but there is definitely an “art” to holding space. It requires restraint. It is listening to the other person’s experience while getting ourselves, and our egos, out of the way. It is not trying to fix or solve anything. It is not talking, even when we think telling our own stories of similar feelings or situations will help, which only takes the attention away from them by placing it back on ourselves.
There is so much emphasis today on being happy that people are less willing to share their feelings of unhappiness or pain. By hiding these feelings from one another, what we risk is sending the incorrect message that sadness, frustration, loneliness, anger, confusion and the whole range of difficult emotions are not normal or “ok” things to feel and experience.
We need to share and acknowledge all of the emotions that come with being human. Holding space for someone to share their thoughts and emotions honestly, is a gift. And by listening and actively being present, holding space you are doing your part in helping them process it all. You gift to them is that of love and acceptance just as they are, with whatever they are experiencing.
It takes great trust and vulnerability to open your heart to someone else. So, try being more mindful of this is a great gift the next time someone is asking for your presence, it might just be the gift they need to change their perspective and outlook on their thinking.
Don’t forget though, holding space wears on you, the space-holder. Be sure to tend to your own needs after holding space for someone else. Always try your best to operate and think from a place of self compassion and practising more mindfulness — ground yourself in moments of your life, taking care to notice how you feel and what the world around you looks like.
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