Just looking…
Eye contact is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to make a person feel recognized, understood and validated. But making eye contact isn’t always easy.
It can feel awkward at times, especially when you haven’t yet built a bond with the other person. It’s a simple act with so much depth and possibility — It’s a wonderful gift to give and be given, it’s vulnerable, intense, intimate and healing all at the same time.
It’s a powerful means of conveyance that says so much with so little — like a bridge between two separate entities — that can make you feel as one for even just a brief moment. To many, it’s a simple act that signals interest and trust. Doctors are taught to look patients in the eye, job interviewers favour those who meet their gaze, and even babies prefer direct, rather than oblique, stares.
To truly understand why eye contact is so important, we need to appreciate how central it is to the human experience. It’s deeply rooted in our DNA. In fact, it one of the most fundamental communication channels for us as humans — it’s one of the key ways in which we communicated non verbally and what meant the difference between life and death, attraction and indifference.
In more contemporary times, eye contact is what helps us as people to manage social situations, and as part of surviving — negotiate living socially. And yet most people have never given any thought to how good or bad their eye contact is, how to master it, and how to make the most of their gaze.
The importance of eye contact
Whether it's caused by social anxiety, or it's just an ingrained habit, making strong eye contact with others is an uncomfortable situation for many. But your level of eye contact with other people influences every relationship in your life.
From colleagues to friends to romantic partners, eye contact says a lot about you, your relationship with the other person and more. Maintaining eye contact during a conversation gives the impression that you are friendly and that you are paying attention to the other person. It can also help you foster meaningful professional relationships and thus improve your professional and personal identity.
Our eyes were made to connect. It’s easy to see why the eyes of others capture our gaze: they’re free-moving orbs lodged in an otherwise stationary face; eyeballs are really kind of weird when you think about them, aren’t they?
The simple act of holding someone’s gaze — whether it’s a new girl, a prospective employer or an old friend — has the power to ignite or deepen a relationship.
Tips to improve your eye contact
Maintaining eye contact can prove to be harder for some than others, but even those without strong eye contact can improve their skills with practice.
Challenge yourself in your daily life..
A simple way to improve your eye contact is by challenging yourself to make direct eye contact with people you interact with throughout the day.
Make an effort to make eye contact with the cashier at the coffee store, the person who holds the door open for you, the people you live with and those you interact with at your work.
By using daily social interactions to practice good eye contact, you can get more comfortable with it over time. But don’t be a creeper. In order for eye contact to be effective, it needs to be welcome and appropriate.
When eye contact is unwanted, it goes from gazing to staring, and being stared at makes people uncomfortable.
Foster cultural awareness around eye contact…
Not all cultures and people have the same norms around eye contact so it is important to keep an open mind as to why a person is not making eye contact. If you know you will be interacting with a cross section of different cultures at a social or networking event, take time to do research about the norms around eye contact and other aspects of communication - this is both a respectful and thoughtful gesture.
If in doubt for any reasons or haven’t had the chance to research, use good judgment and follow the other persons lead.
Practise expressing emotion with your eyes..
Eye contact establishes a communication path, but it is only valuable if you deliver meaning. Keep your eyes alive. Show happiness, sadness, surprise, excitement, confusion, or whatever emotion matches your words at a given time.
Follow the 50/70 rule..
Continuous eye contact can be misunderstood for staring. To avoid that misunderstanding, maintain eye contact for 50% of the time while you are speaking and 70% of the time while listening. It will show your interest in the subject matter and you will exhibit confidence.
The bottom line? Eye contact is an immensely powerful capability that creates better connections, keeps people honest and generally enriches relationships. With a bit of practice, you can become a master of this essential skill.
Practise looking away slowly..
When you look away, don’t do it quickly or as though you’ve caught yourself doing something you shouldn’t. Instead, look away slowly, perhaps with a slight smile. It signals to the other person what you’re trying to do. Learning how to make eye contact is about helping the other person understand your intentions without words
Don’t forget to blink…
Have you ever been speaking to someone or had someone trying to get your attention and they stare at you without blinking? They assume this is effective, but, it’s actually quite scary. For this reason, when you’re learning how to communicate by making better eye contact, remember to blink!
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While discussing the value of maintaining eye contact, it's important to note that it's not appropriate to expect eye contact from every person. Blind and partially sighted people as well as those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), autism spectrum disorder (ASD), social anxiety disorder or extreme shyness may have a very hard time making or maintaining eye contact.
Some other strategies that can serve as alternatives to eye contact include using phrases and nonverbal vocalizations such as laughter and saying "uh-huh" to indicate that you're listening and agree or disagree with what's being said. You can also address the person you're interacting with by name, or by taking turns when speaking.
For some people, eye contact is extremely uncomfortable and should not be forced. If you're unable to regularly maintain eye contact, always try to communicate this, if you feel safe doing so, it could help you in requesting reasonable accommodations when dealing with non verbal communication in various environments.
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